Quick Tip: How to Counteract Negativity

Have you ever found yourself fixating on the more negative aspects of a situation or worrying about all the things that could go wrong?

As human beings we are hardwired to look for the not so good in order to survive. 

Back in the day, humans had to be on the lookout for things like looming predators, potential environmental threats, getting lost in the woods, etc. 

As things have advanced, however, most of us don’t have to stay alert for those types of dangers anymore, but our brains don’t always know that.

So now, instead of scouting for predators we may be scanning for social cues that could indicate someone is mad at us or is judging us. Or we might think through all the things that could go wrong about a situation because it’s our mind’s way of trying to keep us safe.

Now let’s say that we have experienced negative or painful events, like someone did outwardly judge us for something that we said. 

This is where what’s called the negativity bias comes into play. What this is is the idea that we tend to remember or pay more attention to negative experiences than positive ones, or put another way, that negative experiences tend to stick with us or leave more of an imprint than positive experiences.

So if someone did at one point judge us for something we said, we may remember that more than the hundreds or thousands of times we made some laugh.

This makes sense if we’re hardwired for the negative in order to keep ourselves safe.  

However, while it might be trying to protect us, this type of thinking can also affect our mood, increasing feelings of worry, stress or anxiety, and it can affect our outlook and even our confidence.

So what can you do if you find yourself focusing a lot on the negative?

A first step is can you extend yourself some grace and acknowledge that there may be a reason, or reasons, why you might tend toward the negative at times?

People sometimes balk at the idea of self-compassion, especially if they are used to being pretty hard on themselves, but the more compassion you can show yourself, the safer your body is going to feel and when your body feels safe, your mind can be less focused on all the potential threats. 

Self-compassion also doesn’t have to be anything huge.  It could be as simple as taking a deep breath, placing a hand on your chest and acknowledging that you feel scared, anxious, worried, annoyed, frustrated and those feelings are valid. They’re probably coming up for a reason.

A second step to counteracting negativity, is to scan the situation for some neutral or positive things that are also happening. 

There’s research that suggests a 3:1 positivity ratio can help move our minds from a state of survival into a state of thriving. In other words, we need to experience positive emotional experiences three times more than negative emotional experiences in order to maintain a sense of wellbeing. 

That research was conducted by Dr. Barbara Fredrickson, a social psychology professor and researcher at the University of North Carolina and author of the book Positivity. 

She also notes that the 3:1 ratio is not a strict formula but more of a guide. The ratio could vary from person to person or circumstance to circumstance, but if used as a tool or general guideline, the 3:1 ratio could be helpful in counteracting the side effects of negativity in a quantifiable way. 

So as an example, if you can catch a negative thought or if you find yourself focusing on a negative situation, can you also identify three neutral or positive things that are happening. 

A Balanced Approach

This second step is not a suggestion to toxic positivity your way out of a situation and just replace negative thoughts with positive ones without much consideration. 

For example, if you’re at a job you don’t like and you have the thought “I hate this job,” immediately replacing it with “I love this job,” etc. is not likely going to work. 

Most people are too smart for that and their mind will know something is up and potentially fight against the positive thoughts, especially if they’re not genuine, meaning they don’t match the underlying feelings. 

If you dislike your job, you could be experiencing feelings that are giving you information to come to the conclusion. Maybe you feel underappreciated or taken advantage of or maybe you feel undervalued or bored, too overwhelmed. 

Those are all valid feelings that are telling you that your current job may not be the best fit for you. But if we focus only on how much we hate the job and all the things that are wrong with it, we can become entrenched in the negativity. 

It can feel like there’s no way out or nothing will get better, which will then affect our mood and outlook. 

However if we can acknowledge that we don’t like the job but look at the situation holistically and take note of what might also be neutral or even positive about the situation, it can help to alleviate the downward spiral. 

So going back to the job situation, are there three things about it that are not that bad: maybe you have a short commute, or you work in a really nice area of town or you like your boss or coworkers, maybe you get free coffee. 

While none of those things are likely going to alleviate the entire situation, they can make it feel more bearable. They might also give you information on what type of job might be a better fit for you.

Again, this strategy is not meant to ignore or negate challenges or difficulties but rather to help  look at situations holistically.

Very few things are all negative or even all positive. There might be more than the other, but usually there’s a mix of everything going on. 

And the more we can appreciate the mixture of what is actually happening, the more balanced we will typically feel and the more balanced we feel, the easier it is to move away from difficult or challenging experiences. 

*Disclaimer: The information contained in this podcast is for the sole purpose of being informative and is not considered complete.